Feb. 17th, 2009
Over the past few weeks I have gotten to walk through the beginning stages of sobriety with someone who has hit the wall with their drinking.
This individual is what you would call a functional alcoholic, meaning they have serious issues with alcohol, but are still able to function, work, put food on the table, etc.
But, they have no control over their alcohol intake. They can't say when enough is enough, and they can't say no to a drink.
Alcoholics, unlike normal people, do not have a drink or two so they can relax. They drink to escape. And the more they drink, the more they escape. The problem is they cannot escape from themselves. And so the disease turns to self loathing and hatred. And at some point, enough is enough. They either go crazy, try to kill themselves, or decide that this life is not what they desire and they want to do something about it.
That's where this individual is.
Who among us can relate? I know I can! But, who among us can relate when it's not about alcohol? Where is it that you escape? When have you hit the wall and realized that no matter how hard you try you cannot control what controls you? Maybe it's self-image, maybe it's a substance. Maybe it's food, maybe it's exercise. Maybe it's just the need to have control over everything that goes on around you and when you can't you go crazy. Maybe it's someone else that controls you.
It doesn't matter what it is, if we are extremely honest with ourselves, we know that it's there or that it has been there.
What I finally had to figure out is that I couldn't do it on my own. I needed the help of someone far greater than me. I needed to surrender my will to my God. I couldn't stop drinking. Everything I had tried ended up failing and the worse I failed the worse my life became.
There is a saying I've heard tossed around: "I can't, God can, I think I'll let Him." Simple, but really hard sometimes.
Good news, the individual that I've been walking through this with? 10 days sober now, AA meetings, and learning to surrender one day at a time. That's all they can do right now.
It's progress, not perfection.